Insert 8

I don’t know what time I fell asleep but hunger pangs woke me up in the middle of the night, when I checked the time is was just past 23:00. I dragged myself out of bed, honestly, I didn’t want to get out of bed but my tummy was groaning, I guess I was that hungry. I took my phone and went straight to the kitchen. I warmed up my food and sat on one of the high chairs. I switched my phone on, I had to read that text again. Unknown number:” In case you missed it, Busi slept with Amo over the December holidays and it happened more than once…” Reading that again broke me to pieces, I just couldn’t comprehend the amount of pain I was feeling in that moment. I felt as if I have been betrayed by a friend and a lover but only difference here is that I am not even dating Amo, so I shouldn’t even be feeling this pain… Voice:” Couldn’t sleep dear?” I turned to see who it was and it was my mom, I was so defeated I couldn’t even say one word to her. Mom:” Are you okay Zara? You don’t look good.” Me:” Yes, I’m good mom. Uhm… Just that hunger got the best of me.” I faked a smile and looked at my phone to read the remaining nine text messages that came from a group chat.

Messages: Busi:” Guys what you did today was totally uncalled for and I didn’t appreciate how you were treating me today at school.” Lindo:” Serves you right for what you did. I wonder if Kacious knows.” Busi:” Don’t bring my man into our petty feud.” Lindo:” Petty you say? Wait until he finds out…” Liv:” Guys has any of you heard from Zee? Tried calling her but she didn’t answer my calls.” Lindo:” Probably knows that the devil herself stabbed her in the back” Liv:” You reckon?” Liv:” But from who though?” Lindo:” That will break her…”

I stopped reading the texts because clearly none of them loved me enough to tell me the truth. Like there is nothing that appreciate in friendship than loyalty, it’s everything to me and none of my friends had that. Instead, they wanted to spare me the hurt by being immature and fighting each other, as well as tip toeing around my feelings. They had the whole of December and first two weeks of January to tell me but they kept quiet. I’m disappointed to say the least.

I didn’t even realize my mom was still in the kitchen, she had a concerned look on her face when I lifted my head to look at her. She was holding a glass of water close to her chest and it seemed she was miles away. Me:” Mom you have been standing there for a while now and not saying anything, are you okay?” She didn’t respond, it’s clear that she didn’t even hear a word I just said. Me:” MOM!!!” I shouted. That startled her a bit, she immediately snapped out of it. Mom:” Yes honey, what’s wrong? Why you shouting?” She had a confused look on her face. Me:” Uhm… Nothing, I am off to bed.” Mom:” Sure, goodnight baby. I love you.” She smiled and went to her bedroom. That was a first, mom never says I love you. She is not affectionate. I have a feeling this is not my year, everything is about to go downwards from here onward. I got to my room and threw myself on the bed. * * * Before I knew it, it was already time for me to wake up and prepare for school. Oh! How I just wanted to skip school today, I dragged myself to the bathroom and did my usual routine. Once I was done, I wore my lingerie and my school uniform. Today I was not in the mood for anything so I just wore my four fingers above the knees school skirt and I was not planning on changing it when I got to school. When I got to the kitchen, it was the usual bacon and eggs with juice. I had my breakfast in silence, mom and dad were also not talking which I found weird but I was not about to interfere in grown up issues as I had issues of my own. Dad:” Zara your mom is taking you to school today, I have an early meeting.” Finally he breaks the ice, I was starting to feel the tension. Me:” No problem dad.” I wasn’t about to argue with him, he didn’t look like he was in his best of moods so I just let him be. Dad:” You’re not going to contest going with your mom?” Me:” No!” Dad:” Are you sure you’re okay with going with your mom?” Me:” Yes dad I’m sure.” Goodness this man, I said that I don’t have a problem so why the 101 questions? Dad:” Okay, so long you’re sure dear?” You know what? If he says one more thing, I’m going to lose it! Me:” Yeah sure, mom can we go?” I was so annoyed by dad, I just wanted to leave before I snapped at him. Mom:” Okay honey.” She stood up and kissed dad on the cheek. I took my bag and bid my dad goodbye. I sat in the car while I waited for mom to wrap up in the house. She finally came, and we drove off. The drive to school was silent, I really wanted to strike a conversation with her but her presence was not in the car. She was driving yes, but her mind was miles away. Before I knew it, we were at the school gate, she didn’t even look at me when I got off. She said goodbye and drove off. Something is not okay with my mom, have I really pushed her to a point where she just doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? Has she disowned me? What have I done? All these questions were just popping up in my head. I need to sit down and have a talk with her after school. I found Lindo and Liv waiting for me at the gate but I just greeted them and passed. I was not in the mood for their drama. Liv to Lindo:” And that? Do you know something I don’t? Lindo:” I’m also as surprised, does she know something?” Liv:” I don’t know but she didn’t look happy to see us.” Lindo:” I’ll try and talk to her, let’s go the siren just went.”

We all went to assembly and from assembly to our respective classes.